So I've lost the oomph behind writing about Colleen all the time.
Granted that may be a good thing...
You know, I don't think I believe in God. But I guess I prayed to Him the other night. I didn't let it on that I was pretending to believe. But damn was I asking Him for help. To make it hurt less. At first I asked to stop loving Colleen. But I didn't want that. And I didn't want to take the chance of that happening.
But when I was.. praying.. it was more just me laying in bed crying. Talking to my ceiling as if someone was there who could listen and make it all better. And I didn't feel like a fool once.
I don't know if I truly prayed, or even if He exists to hear me. I do know though, that it helped. Just to talk about it.. even to my ceiling.. even to God. People say He knows everything that is happening. But truly how can one person look after everything? So I told Him some of what was going on, and in the end I just asked to be stronger. To be able to get through this no matter what the outcome..
I texted Colleen after I "prayed" and asked her if in her opinion if prayers are answered even if you're not sure if you believe in God. The next morning I woke up to a text from her saying yes. And I smiled, because even though I'm not positive I believe in God, I know damn well I believe in Colleen.
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I'm happy you feel better since that experience :( Yeah, I struggle with God too, but as far as praying I agree with you that it does help to at least hear your own voice expressing exactly what your problems are. And I like the last part too. You don't have to belive in God, but it's good you believe in something! :)
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