Dear _________

Colleen,
It is kind of pathetic. How often I think about you. How simply seeing you drive by made my day. How hearing "If You Seek Amy" makes me think about you. How I have a voice mail from you saved in my phone, just in case I need to hear your voice. How I hear the word "relax" from anyone, and it makes me miss you, but I hear that word uttered from your lips, and I actually do relax. It always helped. Even the first time you said it... over three years ago. And back then I simply had a crush on you. Never even knew you legitimately. Just thought you were soo cute. And that year I just liked you. And the next year, I never saw you. But I remembered you, and liked you. And somewhere in that time I got your number that we'd text. And your personality that I could see in just text messages was amazing, but I simply only liked you, the image of you, the you I barely knew in the beginning. And the summer before my junior year, we were texting one night, and Maria made me ask you if you'd ever date me. And I remember that you said, "I don't see why not." But you said we'd have to hang out first. Get to know each other better. And then school started, and I started dating this boy Bobby. And you started dating this girl Anna. And she hated me. I'd text you to say hi, and she'd say to me in school the next day, "Stop talking to Colleen." Or she'd have Ortoleva tell me to leave you alone. I ignored it for the most part. She couldn't stop me from being your friend, and by that point I hadn't seen you in so long, I barely even had that crush anymore. And one say I got a text from a number I didn't know. And I remember that text told me to leave you alone. That you didn't care about me. That I wasn't allowed to talk to you ever again. So I texted you later that night. And I told you what the text said and that apparently I wasn't allowed to talk to you ever again. And you apologized for Anna being so rude. So we kept talking. Not as often, just sometimes. And Anna would still tell Ortoleva to tell me to leave you alone. So finally I did. I stopped talking to you for about a year and a half. Rarely ever thought about you. Until a few months ago, I went on your facebook and commented, "Hey, long time no talk." And we talked there. And you told me to text you. And I did, and that very night you wanted to hang out for a little bit. So we did. Drove up to the fire house so you could get something, then we just sat in your car talking for an hour or so. I said more to you in that hour than I ever had in 3 years. I was always so nervous around you, I was crushing so badly back then. You knew then too. You always know.. And that's when you always told me to relax. And then it worked, and now it works. And in that one hour seeing you - I remembered my crazy crush on you from way back when. And while sitting there talking to you, I looked at you. Looked at more than just what the eyes can see. And I saw you're beauty [whether you like that word or not] and I noticed your eyes. I've told you about them. How calm and serene they are, but I always feel like they can pierce through to my soul and see whatever is wrong. And I noticed your smile. And mostly, your voice. Something about it, its kind of intoxicating. And then after night that we started hanging out so often. And every day I'd notice more and more. Eventually I realized that I liked you, but it was nothing like that it used to be. I liked you for you. For your personality, not just your looks. But you were hurting, you still are. And I saw it. And I see it. And more time passed [but not much because that first night we hung out will be 2 months ago in 2 days.. facebook told me.] and with that time that passed so many things have happened... In real life, and in my mind... and heart. But this you all know. I know you know it.

I don't know if I really do love you. Maybe its just the thought of you I love. But either way my promises stay the same. I will never hurt you, and if I do I will spend the rest of eternity making up for it. I will always be here for you, as long as you allow me to be. I will be here for you to trust, whenever you can trust me. Those things wont be changing Colleen. As long as you allow me to be in your life, in any way, those things will never change. That is another promise I will make to you because I do love you, whether it may be friend love or more I still am not positive, but it makes sense. Wouldn't you think?