Thursday, May 21, 2009

A lot has happened.

A lot has happened since my last blog. And basically none to do with Colleen. The most that happened with Colleen is that I gave her a senior picture of me with a freakin STORY written on the back of it. And another day she said we were gonna chill.. and poofed for the rest of the night and the next day.
But where has the a lot happened you ask? There's this girl Korin. And everything with her is just so fucked up I don't think blogger.com has enough room for it all.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

LSG - Lesbian Security Guard

I don't know what I plan to write about. I guess it has to do with Colleen. Maybe it has to do with Trish. Yes! I can talk about Trish.

Trish is one of the female security guards at my school. She's gay. And hot. She's a total cutie. Quite often I find myself staring at her during lunch. Other times I purposely do. I talk to her in lunch. In the conversations we've had, by now I'm pretty sure she knows I'm gay. And courtesy of Maria she knows I think she's hot.
I have this dragon script notebook that I write a lot of different things in, and she became interested in it, so one day she took my notebook and tried to read it and after a page or so she said, "Hey, I see my name." and I thought shittt because I had this one page talking about her and saying she is hot, and even though it isn't in english, its sort of really obvious what it says. So I said, "Oh, where?" And looked where she was [she wasn't on that page]. So I said "Oh, actually yeah it does." So she asked "What does it mean?" Asking about the question. And I didn't answer. So she asked again, "What does it mean?" and Maria decided to yell out,
"IT MEANS SHE THINKS YOU'RE HOT!"

So yeah.. Idk what to say anymore.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Makes Me Want to Cry Happy Tears

9 part text to Colleen late at night.

"Its weird to think about all the things that have changed since I first ever met you. First GSA meeting my freshman year - I thought you were a hot guy lol. Turns out, you were a hot chick [even better]. lol. And I always used to be so nervous around you. Never knew what to say. You were the only person to ever give me "butterflies". And now its so different, now I actually know you rather than just seeing you around school. And your personality is amazing. Its something I envy. To always seem so carefree. Even when everything is going wrong. And even to think about whats changed since I started hanging out with you again.. From day one I just clicked with you. Our personalities meld well together for the most part [I think at least].And from there a lot of stuff has happened with me liking you and all that. And I'm sorry that I told you and talked to you so much about it. Because you don't need all that crap on top of everything else. I just want you to know, despite it all, I'm just happy knowing I have you in my life at all, I'm just afraid that could be taken away at any moment. Because that is just my luck. THAT'S why I miss you so much. Because I am always afraid of losing people I care about.. I'd like for you to say something regarding this, but you don't have to.. At least tell me you read it.. or that you understand.. And I'm sorry for sending so many messages.."

And the next day 4th period I got her response which I told you before. of "Hey I read what you wrote and I agree I feel the same way toward it. I care about you and you know that. At least you should know that. I am not going anywhere trust me okay?"

I read it and had to try so hard to keep myself from crying. Even now just thinking about it it makes me want to cry. Just the fact that she cared. They're happy tears.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

So today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Got a new laptop. ^-^

But my blog today is intended to talk about my original nights plans. For the past couple months my oldest sister Alicia had plans for my birthday. She was going to take me out to a club. Cause I'm officially 18. Not really my scene, but it'd be fun, she'd be there. And one night Alicia decided that we were going to drag Colleen along. So we told her, and she agreed. So my night would have consisted of: (1) a club (2) Colleen (3) Alicia drinking and dancing with any guy who wants to. That is really not my scene. But the whole Colleen factor made it so much better because Alicia would be off doing whatever and I could just be with Colleen. :)
But then tragedy struck! Alicia's friend Michele at her job broke her ankle really bad. She needs a plate and pins and all the nasty stuff. So Alicia got called in to finish Michele's hours for the week. Including tonight. So my plans went down the drains.
I was perfectly fine when I first found this out, but then a few days later I had a break down and realized my night was ruined. I wouldn't be able to spend it with Colleen. I know what you're thinking, pathetic right? But I rarely see her, and her being there was really the only part of my birthday that I had been looking forward to, and I no longer had that. So I told her what happened and that my birthday was now going to suck, and I spent the next few days down in the dumps. I wanted to ask Colleen to do something with me for my birthday, but I didn't want her to get the wrong idea thinking that I wanted like a date, but at the same time if I said just as friends I figured she might get the idea that she could take other people. So I was scared to ask her.
So last night, I was slowly getting more and more depressed because it was slowly coming to midnight. I'd be officially 18, and have the worst birthday of my life. So I text Colleen.

Whats up?
Nada driving.
Oh. Out with people? Or just driving?
Just driving.
Sounds fun. Err.. I was wondering.. since you were supposed to go out tomorrow with me and Alicia anyway.. I was wondering if maybe you'd still do something with me since its my birthday and all.. I just want to see you.. If you already made plans or just don't want to its okay. I just figured I'd ask...

My heart was racing, I was scared that she would disappear like she does almost every other time I ask her if I can see her or tell her I miss her. And then I was thinking, what if she did get the wrong idea. What if she thinks I want it to be like a date.. But she wouldn't think that. She just knows I want to see her. Because we're friends. And as my mind is racing, time is passing. And I begin asking myself, what if she doesn't answer. What if she disappears like every other time.
[my phone vibrates]
Yeah we can.

My heart stops, and my eyes start to water. But wait.. crying? Why would I be crying? She just said yes.. She said yes.. She said yes! And my eyes are still watering and I have to force the tears away, I'm happy. Oh so happy. She said yes. My birthday isn't ruined after all. I get to see the girl of my dreams.

And right now it's quarter to 5. She gets out of work at 7 I believe. I don't know what we'll do, where we'll go, anything. I just hope that she realized I meant just us. I don't want anyone else there. I want there to be just Colleen and me. Me and her. On my birthday.

I guess I'll leave an update. On what happens. Won't be anything exciting like her finally becoming my girlfriend. I can almost promise that. But whenever I close my eyes and imagine anything we'll do, my mind throws in torture. My mind throws in a kiss. Her soft lips, the key to her fragile heart, trusting me, kissing me.
I'd be in heaven if this were to ever happen, her that close to me, kissing me. I just closed my eyes and tried to imagine the emotions running through me, and my heart aches. My eyes are watering. There's no way to even attempt to explain the way she makes me feel. And I know, no matter how much I try to deny it... this is love.

UPDATE
My night was fun. No, it wasn't just me and her as I had hoped, but it was still a fun night. We all played softball at her house, in the dark. :) Then went inside and hung out and turned on the Sex and the City movie.
It was still one of the best birthday's I've had in a long time. And it's just because of her. <3
I really do love her. I've decided that I'm not going to lie to myself anymore. I just wish I could tell her..

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Binary Code

This is in binary code. If it matters enough
to you, go to this site and translate it.

http://www.roubaixinteractive.com/PlayGround/Binary_Conversion/Binary_To_Text.asp

0101001101101111001000000111010001101
0000110010101110010011001010010011101
1100110010000001110100011010000110100
1011100110010000001100111011010010111
0010011011000010111000001101000010100
0001101000010100100000101101110011001
0000100000010010010010000001100001011
0110100100000011010110110100101101110
0110010000100000011011110110011000100
0000110100101101110001000000110110001
1011110111011001100101001000000111011
1011010010111010001101000001000000110
1000011001010111001000101110000011010
0001010000011010000101001000001011011
1001100100001000000100100100100000011
0001101100001011011100010011101110100
0010000001110010011001010110000101101
1000110110001111001001000000111010001
1000010110110001101011001000000111010
0011011110010000001101101011110010010
0000011001100111001001101001011001010
1101110011001000111001100100000011000
0101100010011011110111010101110100001
0000001101001011101000010000001100001
0110111001111001011011010110111101110
0100110010100101100001000000111010001
1010000110010101111001001000000110101
0011101010111001101110100001000000110
0100011011110110111000100111011101000
0100000011101010110111001100100011001
0101110010011100110111010001100001011
0111001100100001011100010000001000101
0111001101110000011001010110001101101
0010110000101101100011011000111100100
1000000111001101101001011011100110001
1011001010010000001101101011011110111
0011011101000010000001101111011001100
0100000011101000110100001100101011011
0100100000011000010111001001100101001
0000001110011011101000111001001100001
0110100101100111011010000111010000101
1000010000001100001011011100110010000
1000000111010001101000011001010010000
0011011110110111001100101011100110010
0000011101110110100001101111001000000
1100001011100100110010101101110001001
1101110100001000000110100001100001011
1011001100101001000000110010101101001
0111010001101000011001010111001000100
0000110111001100101011101100110010101
1100100010000001101000011000010110010
0001000000110000100100000011001110110
1001011100100110110001100110011100100
1101001011001010110111001100100001011
0000100000011011110111001000100000011
1010001101000011001010111100100100111
0111001001100101001000000110001101101
0000110111101101111011100110110100101
1011100110011100100000011101000110111
1001000000110001001100101001000000111
0011011101000111001001100001011010010
1100111011010000111010000100000011000
0101100110011101000110010101110010001
0000001110100011010000110010101101001
0111001000100000011000110111010101110
0100111001001100101011011100111010000
1000000111001001100101011011000110000
1011101000110100101101111011011100111
0011011010000110100101110000001000000
1100101011011100110010001110011001011
1000001101000010100000110100001010010
1001101101111001000000100100100100000
0110010101101101011000010110100101101
1000110010101100100001000000110111101
1011100110010100100000011011110110011
0001000000110110101111001001000000110
1111011011000110010000100000011101000
1100101011000010110001101101000011001
0101110010011100110010000001110111011
0100001101111001000000110100101110011
0010000001100111011000010111100100101
1100010000001001111011100100010000001
1000010111010000100000011011000110010
1011000010111001101110100001000000100
1001001000000110001001100101011011000
1101001011001010111011001100101001000
0001110011011010000110010100100000011
0100101110011001011000010000001100001
0110111001100100001000000110010101110
1100110010101110010011110010110111101
1011100110010100100000011100110110000
1011110010111001100100000011100110110
1000011001010010000001101001011100110
0101110001000000101001101101000011001
0100100000011000010110110001110011011
0111100100000011100110111010101110000
0111000001101111011100110110010101100
1000110110001111001001000000110010001
1000010111010001100101011001000010000
0011101000110100001100101001000000111
0010011001010110000101101100011011000
1111001001000000110100001101111011101
0000100000011100110110010101100011011
1010101110010011010010111010001111001
0010000001100111011101010110000101110
0100110010000100000010101000111001001
1010010111001101101000001011100000110
1000010100000110100001010010000010110
1110011110010111011101100001011110010
1110011001011000010000001001001001000
0001100101011011010110000101101001011
0110001100101011001000010000001101000
0110010101110010001000000110000101110
0110110101101101001011011100110011100
1000000110100001100101011100100010000
0011010010110011000100000011100110110
1000011001010010000001110111011011110
1110101011011000110010000100000011011
0101101001011011100110010000100000011
0001001100101011010010110111001100111
0010000001100001001000000110001101101
1110111001001110010011001010111001101
1100000110111101101110011001000110010
1011011100111010000100000011010010110
1110001000000110000100100000011101110
1100001011110010010111000100000010100
1101101111011011010110010101101111011
0111001100101001000000100100100100000
0110001101100001011011100010000001110
1000110000101101100011010110010000001
1101000110111100100000011000010110111
0011001000010000001100111011001010111
0100001000000110000101100100011101100
1101001011000110110010100100000011001
1001110010011011110110110100100000011
0001001100101011000110110000101110101
0111001101100101001000000111011101101
0000110010101110100011010000110010101
1100100010000001110011011010000110010
1001000000110000101100011011101000111
0101011000010110110001101100011110010
0100000011000100110010100100000011001
1101100001011110010010000001101111011
1001000100000011011100110111101110100
0010110000100000010010010010000001100
0010110110001110111011000010111100101
1100110010000001100110011001010110110
0011101000010000001101100011010010110
1011011001010010000001001001001000000
1100011011011110111010101101100011001
0000100000011101000110000101101100011
0101100100000011101000110111100100000
0110100001100101011100100010000001110
1110110100101110100011010000110111101
1101010111010000100000011000100110010
1011010010110111001100111001000000110
1010011101010110010001100111011001010
1100100001011100000110100001010000011
0100001010010010010111001100100000011
1001101101111011011010110010101110100
0110100001101001011011100110011100100
0000111011101110010011011110110111001
1001110010000001110111011010010111010
0011010000010000001110100011010000110
0001011101000011111100100000010101110
1101001011101000110100000100000011000
0101110011011010110110100101101110011
0011100100000011101000110111100100000
0111010001100001011011000110101100100
0000111010001101111001000000110100001
1001010111001000111111001000000100100
1001000000110010001101111011011100010
0111011101000010000001110100011010000
1101001011011100110101100100000011100
1101101111001011100010111000100000010
0100101100100011010110010111000100000
0100101001110101011100110111010000100
0000110011001100101011011000111010000
1000000111010001101000011001010010000
0011011100110010101100101011001000010
0000011101000110111100100000011000100
1101100011011110110011100100000011010
0101110100001011100010000001000001011
0111001100100001000000110100101101110
0010000001000010011010010110111001100
0010111001001111001001000000110001101
1011110110010001100101001011100010000
00011101000101001

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Kim Stolz is GORGEOUS

I admit to watching America's Next Top Model. And of every season, and every girl I've seen leave, I think I miss Kim Stolz the most. Kim was an out lesbian on cycle 5. And she was/is gorgeous. I personally prefer her with shorter hair. Hence why all these pictures she has short hair.
































Yeah I know that's a lot of pictures, but I think Kim is a gorgeous woman, and every time I found one beautiful picture, I had to find another, and another. I only stopped because I got distracted by an interview with her.

Okay I lied. One more, but just cause she looks boyish in this one and its totally adorable.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Melange Lavonne - I've Got You LYRICS

It seems every time I go to find lyrics to this song, I can't find them anywhere. So I went line for line with a youtube video and got the lyrics to the best of my ability.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Mélange Lavonne - I've Got You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKIQkva-VTw

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

You ain't even here yet and I'm preparing myself yo
I'm trying to give you the best like love and health so
I'm doing everything thing that I can
Even though they keep telling me raising kids needs a woman and man
But I met your other mama there's the love of my life
Then I got down on one knee and made her my wife
And we both wanted kids so we made it a plan
I gave up the two seater and I bought me a van
Yo, society don't think that I can raise you right
When it comes down to it you my ray of sunshine
And I'd stay up all night if I have to
Til you go to sleep, you and me reciting nursery rhymes
Can't wait to see you smile and you wiggle your toes
And us trying to make you laugh when we tickle your nose
I made this song just to let you know
That you've got two loving parents in your life watching you grow

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

The most meaningful event was to witness your birth
I used to be self absorbed now I'm putting you first
Cause when I had you my entire life changed
I grew as an adult and responsible I became
Put thought in my decisions and the choices I made
To benefit you in good and positive ways
Cause I know you deserve the best
I used to spend money now when I get it all I do is invest
So you can go to college and be as great as you can
Accomplish all your dreams as a young woman or man
But until then help you get an awesome education
And make sure you're the proper age when you start dating
I love you regardless of the things you do
And I will pick you up if you should ever fall down
I'd do the best I could do to help you through
For my son or daughter yes I will be around

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

They say gays shouldn't be allowed to raise any kids
If they put that much energy in something like this
Imagine if they turned it around and protected a kid
Who got beat down by his father connecting the hits
Or the parents spending money on booze
Buying drugs to support the habit when the baby ain't got no shoes
Parents throwing new born babies in the trash
There are some straight parents that should not be moms or dads
So don't tell me I'm immoral cause I'm doing it still
Your opinion not between my kids but me and my wife
You need to take a good look at your own parenting skills
And tell your own kids to put down the gun or that knife
I'm not saying I might be a better parent than you
What I'm saying is I am a better parent than you
So all the parents out there bringing joy in their home
I want you to know to you I'm dedicating this song

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

You preach discrimination
But I got you
Some people call me hatin'
But I got you
So take an education
That I taught you
Gonna set a foundation
That I got through

But I got you
But I got you
But I got you